Waking Up Tired

Ask my husband, I’m not much of a morning person. I bitch and moan and require to be waited on hand and foot before 8:15 AM. In fact, I could probably sleep all day. Now this is not because I’m lazy, but just the simple fact that those first 30 minutes or so after waking up as absolutely f’ing horrible. I hate that discombobulated, can’t stop rubbing my eyes, oh shit I’m going to be late for work feeling. And quite honestly it probably doesn’t go away to around noon; even with the several cups of coffee plus two or three red bulls I consume. Apparently I am one of those freaks of nature where caffeine really just doesn’t work on me.

Lately, I’ve been more tired than usual. I’m guessing I can contribute that to one dog, two cats, and a 6’5” man all sleeping with me in my queen size bed. But I’ve also started looking into other factors and according to the research I’ve done, I’m basically living an awful life. Christ, and I thought I was healthy. So here are the changes I’m considering making to ensure I don’t wake up a bitch anymore.

1. I need to learn to chill out and meditate or something like that. I am EXTREMELY stressed all the time. And I find it hard to relax as my mind is always going.

2. I need to feng shui. Some may think this is a load of bull, but apparently there is some “western logic” behind the techniques. My only concern is I do live in Manhattan hence 500 sq. feet = 100,000,000 sq. feet anywhere else in the world.

3. According to New Scientist Magazine the noise of the city is actually killing us. The study says that noise has an effect on your heart and waking up to noise puts your body under a lot of stress. Not sure how I’m going to fix this one…again…I live in Manhattan.

4. In the morning - no alarm clocks! I need to get a Zen alarm. Something soothing and calming.

5. I need to be grateful for not dying. The “Buddha” said that every time you go to bed you should consider that you won’t wake up. I guess I should be grateful, that my bitch of a cat Nala, who has been plotting my death for years did not suffocate me in my sleep.

So what do you think? Is this a load of crap? How do you wake up in the morning? Suggestions are more than welcome! As I’m sure my husband would appreciate a loving wife in the morning and not the wicked witch of the Upper Eastside.